I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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