Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
