i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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