what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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