i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
