We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
