Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
