He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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