What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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