so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
