So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
