I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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