I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize