I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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