when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
