i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
