Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The power of my boobs compel you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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