when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
