he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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