dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
