I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
