That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You are a genius and a whore.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
