He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
