Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Randomize
