i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize