On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
