In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love having hate sex.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
