i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
