Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
