I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
