dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
