honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
