ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sundayâ€
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