My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
