I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize