It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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