I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sarcasm needs its own font
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
