I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
