he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
