did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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