was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
