You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
