He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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