We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
