Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
