I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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