these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
