It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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