Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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