his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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