Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
