Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
