I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
