i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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