To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
