first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
