I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
