I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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