You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
