So gin and wine won't be happening again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
