i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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