So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
