well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think my vagina is haunted
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
